When I was coming through the process of becoming a pastor, I had grand dreams of changing things for the better. Changing the culture, changing people, changing churches — changing everything.

I spent years banging my head against walls (some of which cracked and came down — draw your own conclusions about the state of my cranial integrity). I spent years whooping up on folks (for all the “right” reasons), and sometimes got results that I wanted. I went to seminar after seminar, looking for answers. But I see now that in many of those cases, I was looking for more ammunition, more power, more leverage with which to force change.

But I didn’t spend nearly enough time on changing me.

Time has accomplished that. Like a stone in rushing water, it has been slow and incremental. At forty, I’m thinking maybe I’ve wasted some time. Seeing the tiny change accomplished with time, I now feel a strong desire to take a pickaxe to this rock and get at the shiny stuff underneath.

Is it possible to change the world by focusing on changing myself? I’m starting to think so.

With every effort to change others, to change systems, and to change culture, I was exerting power. That power revealed itself in claims to authority (“I’m an ordained pastor, dangit!”), claims to superior knowledge (“I’m a Candler graduate/Turner Center attendee/SLI practitioner, dangit!”), and even the sheer force of personality and persuasion (Dangit!).

But for that power to be unleashed, I had to consciously or subconsciously agree to diminish someone else’s point of view. I’ve done it often. And I’ve done it with great results — and horrible consequences.

What’s different now that I should see this?

Me.

I’ve seen changes come over me that were so slow, I see them only when I intentionally recall the events of many years past. Conversations with friends who have not seen me since I was in college, or even high school have revealed that I’m not who I was.

None of us are who we once were.

I’m fortunate that many of the changes that people are noting are for the better. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m still growing. I’m still learning. There is much about me that I would change immediately.

I am now able to see that there’s more to changing the world than “fixing” the Church. I wonder if we shouldn’t be modeling the change we wish to see in the world. What are the possibilities of impact if we experienced and modeled change for our churches?