"Haters Gonna Hate"

I was conversing with a friend this afternoon. He related to me that he had been blasted by a fellow blogger for his opinions.

I wryly commented, “Well, as the kids are so fond of saying these days, ‘Haters gonna hate.’ Which means, of course ‘We now routinely assign the emotion of hatred to those who disagree with us.'”

And that’s a sad truth.

In a recent sermon, I suggested that we practice valuing the person more than the topic under debate. “You are more important to me than the subject at hand.” That seems to hit close to the heart of the gospel.

Instead, the subject of our conversations takes on such grandiose proportions that we cannot hear them — or be heard by them, while we’re on the matter.

People Who Disagree Don’t Necessarily Hate You

It is possible to see right wing radicals sit down cordially with left wing radicals. Radical here refers to the degree of polar opposition of beliefs, not the nature of the opposition. You’ve probably heard of Penn Jillette. He’s the talkative half of Penn & Teller, and a very progressive (liberal) atheist with views that oppose those of conservative establishment types. You’ve also probably heard of Glenn Beck. He’s a very conservative Christian politico with views that are probably as far removed from Penn Jillette as one can imagine.

And yet they converse. Regularly. Politely. Without diatribe and, from what I can tell, without hatred. Here’s some proof. You can probably Google for more, if you’d like.

The real surprise isn’t that they disagree, but the manner in which they disagree.

Even United Methodists Can Do This

I was reading a post from my friend, Jay Voorhees. He’s the Executive Editor for The United Methodist Reporter, one of the founders for the Methoblog, and the pastor of my home church, Old Hickory UMC near Nashville (go Bulldogs).

He quoted an exchange that took place at the recent gathering of United Methodist Communicators between Matt Berryman, executive director of the Reconciling Ministries Network, and Tom Lambrecht, VP and Executive Director of Good News. The emphasis below is mine.

A couple of days ago, in the midst of the flurry of statements, I traveled up to Chicago for the annual United Methodist Association of Communicators conference. As a part that meeting, they brought together Matt Berryman, executive director of the Reconciling Ministries Network, and Tom Lambrecht, VP and Executive Director of Good News, for a program on new ways of talking about sexuality. Both were articulate and passionate about their beliefs. Both honored and respected one another, listening closely to the other’s position. And yet, as the seminar ended and they were talking individually, Matt looked at Tom and asked “What are we going to do to deal with our division in the church,” and Tom answered with all honesty “I don’t know.” [full article here]

One Way Forward

I’m still sold on the idea of valuing people over the argument, friends over the debate, and thinking more of others than I do of myself. My challenge to you and to any other person reading this blog is to have a civil conversation with someone who disagrees with you.

Some ground rules:

1) really listen to the other person

2) speak respectfully

3) do not play the “hate” card, even if you think it’s justified

4) intentionally and deeply value the other person before all else; CHILD OF GOD, PERSON OF WORTH

Before you start blasting away in the comments, you’ll need to have made the attempt at least once. Oh, and flame war posts will be extinguished. That wouldn’t make much sense on this post would it? Or would it actually serve to prove the point…?